Hi! This is my coming out story.
I feel like I should give a back story.
Here goes ...
When I was in primary school I had a crush on a girl in my class. And as a young child in a Christian school, I was told that being gay was wrong.
After seeing a YouTuber I like to come out as bi I was so confused at what the hell I was. I never felt like a girl. And I never thought I was a boy. All I knew is I didn’t feel like I girl, but I was attracted to them. I think the word confused is an understatement.
I came out to my friends as Bisexual when I was in year 8 because I scared of what people would say. A few friends stopped talking to me and still don’t. Ahmed that, In the summer of year 9 I came out as a lesbian to my family by saying “lesbihonest guys I’m gay”. They didn’t take it badly but they certainly didn’t take it well. Half of my family still think I’m straight and that’s because they’re catholic and they would probably try and murder me in my sleep haha. My family isn’t the most supportive and uses words like “faggot” and “dirty” and “you people” quite a lot so words like that don’t particularly phase me anymore.
When I went to college I was terrified that the people wouldn’t accept me because of my sexuality and because I didn’t know what my gender was. It’s terrifying not knowing who you are. About halfway through my first year at college I got talking to a girl. She was a friend of a friend and we just started getting so close. That was the day I came out as Agender. She hugged me and then she came out to me as bisexual. That sealed our friendship and still she is my person and I tell her everything. We speak every day about everything.
She helped me come out to my tutors at college and they asked me what I wanted to do about it. I said nothing needs to change because I was under 18 and they’d have to get permission from my parents to change my pronouns on the register. They still don’t know that I’m agender and they never will. I made that decision about 8 years ago because if they found it hard to have a lesbian as a kid then they’d probably kick me out for being non-binary.
Around the time that I came out as bi, back in year 8 I started feeling depressed. I don’t speak to my father and I was being bullied. I have been bullied since reception and it really messed me up.
On the 16th of November, last year marked the anniversary of when I started self-harming. That was 6 years ago now. After 4 suicide attempts, surviving a sexual assault, and almost losing 2 of my closest friends to suicide; I’m still here. I have my person ( who will remain unnamed because she’s shy ) and I have the most amazing group of friends who genuinely care about me. They are my family. Yes, I’ve lost people- many people over the years but now I have the most supportive, caring, hilarious, and beautiful group of friends I could ever ask for and don’t particularly deserve and that is all I could possibly ask for.
Yes, I still have blips but that is what recovery is. If you take anything from this story take this...
People will change you, some in good ways some in bad. But don’t ever take that out on yourself. You don’t deserve it. I now have to live with my scares, they will never go. But I promise you, it’s not the answer to not knowing who you are.
You are loved, even if you don’t believe it you are lives by the people you least expect to love you. I owe my life to James. One of my favorite people in the world. He taught me that I don’t need to be afraid of who I am. He showed me that I’m worth loving and that my life is not my own, and made me promise to never take that away from him and my person and all the amazing friends I have. They accept me and that’s all I could ever ask for. I love them with all my heart.
Thanks for reading I guess